I wanted to be nearer, I wondered what that meant.Riri got to me. I have not been able to shake our conversation and even tonight as I wake up, mind swimming in thought, I realize how difficult this task will be but how important it is. A while ago I visited Coronado Island and I loved it (for many reasons) but one was a jewelry store I happed across. The energy was so rich within it, it felt like home. It turns out that a classmate of mine used to work there and she told me about the online website, which I couldn't wait to explore. When I did I found a beautiful lapis ring and immediately wanted to know more about this gorgeous blue stone.  Here is what I found: Chakras - Throat Chakra, Third Eye Chakra Birthstone - December Zodiac - Taurus, Sagittarius Typical colours - deep blue flecked with gold (Pyrite)

A stone of protection that may be worn to guard against psychic attacks, Lapis Lazuli quickly releases stress, bringing deep peace. It brings harmony and deep inner self-knowledge. Encourages self-awareness, allows self-expression and reveals inner truth, providing qualities of honesty, compassion and morality to the personality. Stimulates objectivity, clarity and encourages creativity. Lapis Lazuli assists to confront and speak one’s truth and inspires confidence. It bonds relationships, aiding in expression of feelings and emotions. (Source)

It is obviously of no coincidence that I would find such a stone at this time in my life. I also had the thought that I wonder if this is why the Avatar (movie) Na'vi were lapis blue? As much as I wanted a lapis ring that I found at the jewelry store, I more want to embody the properties of the precious gemstone. I wish to be more honest and expressive. I wish to "unlock" my throat chakra which requires being honest about my own nature and being truthful about all that I am. Despite it being hard to explain and even largely inconceivable to many, I have to be honest.

Tonight in class we meditated and for the first time I was nowhere near water. I was swinging, suspended in air...a vivid California sunset painted pink and purple. And I felt (as I also noticed during another meditation earlier that week) my energy pooled at my hands. I was rocking, quite unintentionally. But ever so slightly, like when you get wrapped up in your favorite song. I made an appointment to speak with my professor. I want to start my honesty with her.

Lastly, I spoke with an old friend (I hope she does not mind our role change) this week and she asked me if I loved California so much what the hesitation was with staying?  I thought on it and came to fear. It is scary to be so far from everything I know and love but there is so much here that I feel connected to, and so much here that I love. So I said to her and to myself and to the universe that I want to stay. For how long? As long as it feels right.  If we're being honest, I told her. And shouldn't we be always?