The other day CR asked me if I was a lyrics girl. Meaning is that the thing I love about a song, I told him absolutely. I've been in words for as long as I can remember, so of course lyrics are my thing. I was talking to my mom about men today. She surprised me and told me she wanted to see me settled down sooner rather than later because she just wanted to make she I was okay as she grows older. I listened to her talk about the importance of companionship and so much of me agreed with her, and Amel sang the conversation. This woman is growing weary of having to be so strong. Of having to pretend I'm made of stone so I won't wake up with no broken bones. I can't fight every battle alone.

My posts have been all about love lately. Acknowledging it. Feeling it. Letting it go. Believing in it. I guess as I have more time than normal to think about it, it just keeps coming up. The truth is, I am starting to feel the need to nest. Make a house a home type situation. When the party's over and the working day is done, I just want to come home to someone.  It doesn't feel out of reach either. It feels so close to me. As if I could meet him tomorrow.

I suppose maybe I could. That doesn't in anyway deter me from wearing yoga pants and no makeup, I mean it just means on a date its all uphill right? I want a love to take me as I am not make me compromise myself. Or be like no one else. Fear is not the matter, I would so much rather open up my heart and just lay down my guard...if I could trust someone...

My friend MV told me two days ago that I always look amazing, which made me feel good. Especially since at the time I was wearing a threadbare gap favorite that is now so worn its off the shoulder, and yoga pants. However, because I trust her opinion it was very flattering. I just want to trust my love as much (much more than) as I do my friends. I want to believe him and be that wife...

You know the biblical one who let's her man lead (because he is guided by god)? I want to get there. Maybe its corny or old-fashioned, but I believe men need that sort of support and affirmation from their partners.  If I could trust someone to have my back and never do me wrong, then I would give my love up just like that...

*shrug* sometimes I think the things I want are things of fairy tales. Other times they feel simple and attainable. I don't just want to be loved. I want it all, my prismatic! If no one else gets me, Amel gets me.