My grandmother on my dad's side knew The Secret before the book was written. She told my mom, when you pray you have to be specific because you'll get just what you pray for.  I was reading a blog of a friend of mine's and she was talking about the curse of a day. It made me think of two things, 555 and Where the Heart Is, and October 2nd. October 2nd used to be my cursed day and I remember telling BFFK about it feeling so strongly about its curse that it ended up being a bad day for her for the next few years. How much of that did I bring on myself?

How about the belief that if your right palm is itching you're about to get some money? I know that's true for me, but is it because my palm itched or is it because this random body function sets into motion an energy pattern?

When Bill Torbert came for his talk he discussed triple loop thinking. Very simply put, single loop thinking is when we change at the performance level (if I do something different, I'll get something different). Double loop thinking is when we change at the level of strategy, (if I do it in a different way, I'll get something different).  Triple loop thinking is when we change our attitudes and intention surrounding the thing (if I believe something different, I will get something different). 

Single and double can be tricky.  For example, say you want a boyfriend. Single loop would change the clothes you wear, maybe even your hair style. Double loop would start to utilize online dating sites, singles clubs, and blind set-ups.

The thing that I love, and believe so immensely is the third piece, triple loop. Why do you have to change to receive a boyfriend? Is that suggesting something is wrong with the you, you already are? Perhaps if you believe you're wonderful the way you are rather than I'm not enough for what I want, the boyfriend will come. I guess its just willing it in a different way.

If I look at the unwanted things in my life, I have to then wonder, why I have put them there? More than that, what am I currently telling myself to keep them there? Its because I believe that the person I am (the way I look, perform, speak, the place that I come from, my social class, my upbringing, etc.) deserves certain things. Certain miseries, even. And no matter how I change the things I do or the way I do them, my beliefs are energy and like a sirens call I will lure these miseries right back into my life. Here me when I say, I have had enough.

I keep going back to these cards...this isolation and this instruction to let go. Why on earth do we hold on to pain? Why on earth do we hold on to heartbreak? Is it as simple as familiarity? Is it for fear that if we let this pain go, something far worse may be waiting? There also needs to be a reframing of the unknown, when did it become all fear and doom? There is light in all things, I have to choose to see that, too.

I'm ready to let go and clear these shelves. I'm ready to stop telling myself all the ugliness that's become second nature to me at home in my thoughts. I am ready to put both feet into the unknown.  Lastly, I am ready to receive the things I tell myself are not for me, that are off-limits to me.  I am ready to believe something different of myself and for myself. I am not a person who deserves to be unhappy. I am quite the contrary, and its time I started really believing that.

Bring on the jabberwocky.