I'm gonna write you something, okay?  

Its kinda public but also just between us. No one ever could read between the lines like we could.  

I wanted to tell you I'm sorry for putting you on a pedestal and then hanging you from it. I was used to my...well other men making promises to me and not keeping them. I didn't know what to do when you always showed up. I took for granted how often and how fully you showed up for me. 

We were so close. I wonder sometimes if we'll ever be that close again? I think about the distance in your eyes when I saw you last. You had planted a field of wildflowers between the two of us with grass so thick, if I didn't feel you in my veins I would never know you were there. I wonder if you'll come looking for me. If you'll ever be ready? If it'll ever be me... 

i think maybe sometimes people miss each other.  Like their love never had the right timing. Maybe I was too much sunshine and you were too much moon...but all I ever wanted was to share the sky with you.  

Grow a family and start a legacy of conscious activists who know there's gold in our skin. I wanted to make a house a home with you, paint the walls and tend a garden with seeds from herbs and vegetables. You would grow me flowers because they made me smile like nothing else could. I would cook for you and listen when you wanted to say nothing. Cry with you in silence and yell through the prison cell bars of black masculinity. 

I miss how you bit my lip when you kissed me. Pulled me into you like I was as necessary as oxygen; you breathed me. You know my rhythm. It shows when we are together, we are seamless. How do you move on from that kind of intimacy? Should I?