Spiritual Energy eXchange and a place of safety

I first heard sex referred to by Mastin Kipp from The Daily Love a few months ago. Ever since then I have remembered the idiom and have come to regard it with such high esteem that its nearly law in my life.  I was discussing sex with Ken the other day and discussing the sacredness of it and how it is damn near impossible to be flippant about it and remembered Mastin's definition again. I have been toying with this affirmation of safety. It dawned on me that there are certain trends in my life and one of them is baited breath. Its one of those things you don't realize you're doing until you exhale...and you realize you haven't done it in a while. I bring it up because the two relate. The energetic exchange of spirit and safety. How can you give of yourself fully when you do not trust (your partner or yourself?) My own answer is that you don't. I have had 0 desire to exchange far before my last relationship ended, and part of me will argue that I never wanted to even while in it.  The discomfort in my own skin largely contributed to that, and the uncertainty as well...

I want to keep breathing through my next relationship.  I want to feel safe. In many senses; I want emotional stability, fidelity, reliability, honesty, and even many of the traditional gender role characteristics. I guess my Southern is showing.  I wont be exchanging anything until I have that. Until I can Know I am secure.  Its funny the things you don't know are important until they are.