Minding your own plank

"It is not the critic who counts..." I was telling my roommate this evening about an influx of messages I got over a bikini photo I posted on Tumblr. Many young women wrote messages about how they wished they had my confidence or how beautiful I was but that they could NEVER do anything like that. Well why?

Back in December I wrote:

And the thing is, I have the audacity to believe it. I truly do. And I decided that I was not going to make other peoples problems/insecurities/limitations my own problems/insecurities/limitations.

In true to universe fashion as I'm writing this post a colleague and friend of mine was passively aggressively attacked by a choice she made in relationship partner by another one of our classmates. Without getting into detail it just made me realize how ardently people can try to chain you in THEIR moral code. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? Really, the only person I have to answer to is God. If it is well with my soul, what business is it of yours or anyone's?

It's not the same thing as "not giving a fuck". It is not apathy. But it is conviction so deeply rooted in your own beliefs with the God that dwells within You, that the opinions of others are simply noise. I do not need another person to tell me I'm beautiful intelligent wise talented kind or important before I believe it. I know those things. It took a while to know but I do. Knowing has been all the difference.

I can distinctly remember feelings of not-good-enough-ness. That ravenous craving for validation that could never be satiated. It is a powerful thing when you can give to yourself what you used to solicit from others. I'd always heard that happiness was an inside job but recently someone added, "you don't want to give that much control to anyone or anything else anyway!" And it was just so spot-on!! Why on earth would I make anyone else responsible for MY happiness?! I don't even want most people choosing where we eat dinner, but now I want to make them responsible for my life's joy? It's asinine.

So I took control of my own joy and I bought a two piece bikini. My friend dated her now boyfriend. And you and everybody else will do the thing that someone out there is judging the shit out of you for. But you know what? Who cares. It is NOT the critic who counts. Opinions are simply information and we can do (or not do) anything we want to with them.

As for me? The people who dare to tell me "I'm too (fill in the blank) for (whatever is making me happy at the time)." I wish them well and honestly I wish them peace. Because the only times I'm worried about someone else's house is when I don't want to tend to my own. I do that because I believe in karma. But then I toss my hair and I keep strutting. Fake hair blowing in the breeze while my thighs pay patty cake. I do that because I believe in myself.